


Upgraded and Retrofitted

by CC_Writes



Series: RvB Fluff Week [2]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: AI, Agent Washington - Freeform, Angst, Character Death, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Or Is It?, Resurrection, RvB Fluff Week, Standard cast in the background, Transhumanism, Tucker - Freeform, donut - Freeform, fixing what I broke, sarge - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-16 02:21:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14154585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CC_Writes/pseuds/CC_Writes
Summary: For RvB Fluff Week! Follow up to Mechanical Failures!Prompt from Primtheamazing:Fix it fluff fic for the Simmons with deteriorating cyborg parts!In the wake of losing Simmons, Grif is a disaster. But things are not as over as they might have seemed. After all, the one constant in the universe is 'Reds don't die'.





	Upgraded and Retrofitted

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Prim_the_Amazing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prim_the_Amazing/gifts).



> Warnings: None really. Grieving? Depression? Not particularly healthy coping habits?

 

 

Simmons dies.

 

  
          Grif knows before anyone tells him. They can go into the technical aspects all they want. Upgrades to this and that, all solid in execution, the body just couldn't hold out, no brain activity, on and on... But it's all just washing over him like brutal surf and disappearing after it leaves him decimated.

Someone, Carolina, decided that he should be the one to decide what needs to be done with... The body. Should it be buried? Or should the team of former science assholes see what they can learn from it? (with Gray's supervision) Until he decides they've put it in cold storage to preserve it.

Grif doesn't want to decide though, so the... Just stays there. Frozen. Just like Grif's life...

He doesn't want to see it. He knows already but seeing it will make it real and if it becomes real then... He knows he won't recover from it. Feels the foundations of his mental stability threatening to crumble again.

So days go by with no action from him, the world ground to a halt, Carolina, and Gray convince everyone to leave him alone, let him have space, let him...grieve.

However...

However, that doesn't stop him from getting a visitor.

  
He's not sure what time it is, he'd been in bed and not moved since... Some prior point? But whenever it is its both too early and too late for this.

Lopez, however, has never been one to actively give a shit about anything, let alone what anyone wants or doesn't, so he comes in any way.

“No puedo decidir si esto es peor que antes o no...” (I can't decide if this is worse than before or not...) he drawls, somehow, now that Grif can understand him, he can pick up a surprising amount of emotion from the monotone voice.

He doesn't say anything.

Lopez huffs, “Bueno, supongo que realmente no importa si me hablas o no.” (Well, I guess it doesn't really matter if you talk to me or not.) he walks to the dresser, just a few scant inches from Grif's bed. There's something in his hand.

He puts it on the dresser.

Grif is up before he can fully process it, a cataclysm of conflicting emotions shrieking in his brain when he sees what Lopez brought.

"What did you do?" his voice sounds like it had been thrown in a blender, how long had it been since he's said actual words?

“Nada de lo que no se me pidió que hiciera.” (Nothing I wasn't asked to do.)

Grif's vision swims and wobbles and shaking hands covering the fragile object, not actually touching it, too scared to.

"What did you **do**!?" he demands again, bordering on hysterical.

There was... There was still blood on it, bits of... It wasn't even clean! Did he just- did Lopez just go in and crack him open and-

“Él quería que lo tengas.”(He wanted you to have it.) Lopez continues, still ignoring his question. He gestures to where Grif's hands feebly try to protect the little chip. The one every human here had. Had jammed inside their skull, inside their brain, when they joined up, “Deberías usarlo Sería un desperdicio si no lo hicieras.” (You should use it. It would be a waste if you didn't.)

"What the fuck does that mean?" Grif staggers, heedless of the tears that are finally escaping after days of being trapped.

“Se supone que no debo levantar tus esperanzas.” (I'm not supposed to get your hopes up.) the robot replies with a shrug.

"Hopes up for what?!" Grif sobs, "And why would he ask _you_ to do this?!"

Lopez makes a sound almost like a hum, “¿Por qué no tengo ninguna expectativa? ¿O pensó que yo sería el único dispuesto a dejarlo hacerlo? Los humanos tienen expectativas y problemas extraños con sus cuerpos.” (Because I don't have any expectations? Or he thought I'd be the only one willing to let him do it? Humans have odd expectations and hangups about their bodies.) he seems to think for a moment, “Tal vez porque es lo único sobre nosotros que es similar.” (Maybe because it's the only thing about us that is similar.)

Before Grif can enter a full break down, Lopez speaks again, “Úsalo, él quería que lo hicieras, ¿no es suficiente?” (Use it, he wanted you to, isn't that enough?)

Grif can't argue with that. Mostly because he doesn't know what this can even be used for.

Lopez leaves and Grif is left alone to decide for himself.

  
He doesn't want to, so for several days, he doesn't.

  
Curiosity is like a cancer though. It gnaws around inside your head and won't let you think about anything else.

So eventually.

 

Eventually.

 

Grif finds himself staring down at the little mass of tech.

What is he supposed to do with it? He's never seen the chips jammed inside his own skull but he's fairly sure they don't look like this... Like there in the middle is what looks like probably the standard chip, but there are other things connected to it, it's still small, but...

Can this even fit in alongside the one he already has? And if it does, what's supposed to happen?

Eventually. Grif resigns himself to his fate and comms Lopez.

COME HELP ME WITH THIS THING. BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND.

  
          So apparently getting the thing in is easy (Somewhere in the distance Donut gets all fluttery) Grif feels an odd sense of vertigo when it boots up or installs or whatever it does and he may or not have blacked out for a minute but after that... Well, nothing seems to have happened.

Lopez just kind of shrugs at him and after a long and decidedly uncomfortable moment he reaches up and awkwardly pats Grif on the head.

It immediately brings to mind him doing the same thing to Simmons when he'd been asking him, presumably, to do this for him. To rip out... To harvest, this from him when he...isn't.

Grif doesn't know how he feels about that.

So he just goes to bed.

That night he has the weirdest dream. It's like a fever dream with no fever, a mess of images and sounds and sensations. Thoughts that don't make sense, don't feel or sound like him. Emotions so intense he feels like he's losing his mind. It's all, red, red, red, and a green that makes his heart skip, and circuits and metal that have no right to feel as warm and alive as they do. Its horrible and terrifying and he would give anything for it to never ever end.

Somehow he doesn't wake up till morning. Its all just shreds and scraps by then and Grif can't shake the feeling that there was something important about it all...

He gets up.

Which surprises him. He's been holed up in there more or less 24/7 since... Since. But today he just... Can't bear to exist in this room right now, and besides, he's actually hungry...

  
          He finds himself feeling oddly out of place as he wanders the halls. It all looks... Different? No, the halls are the same. The angle is off. No, it isn't. Its one of those things, he decides, it's been so long that even familiar things seem weird.

He staunchly ignores the glances and stares he gets when he wanders into the kitchen, only the early risers are here, but its still uncomfortable. He focuses instead on the silent urge to eat something, makes it easier to pretend that he's okay and that there's nothing weird about it.

He goes instinctively for something sugary but hesitates.

No, not that. Something simple. You'll get sick.

That's true... He's heard that before if you don't eat for ages and then suddenly eat lots of heavy food... Yeah, its like after the colony, he ate so much and almost immediately threw up. He'd forgotten that.

That's terrible...

Yeah.

So, in the end, he ends up with toast, fruit, and coffee with a lot of cream in it.

He can feel the stares burning into his back and at one point he jerks, certain, for a moment, that someone touched him. But no, no one is there. He does end up staring down Washington though for a good while when the Blue sits across from him and tries to start a conversation. Eventually, he gives up and Grif gets to eat in peace.

  
He feels... Better? Maybe... Not like okay but he feels less shaky and sick than before.

  
          He wanders for a bit and ends up on the deck, the same place where he... Where Simmons... There's an awful ache in his chest and part of him wants to leave, to run back inside, but part of him... He can't explain it, but he feels an urge to stay.

He's tired, isn't he? He could rest in the sun. That would be okay, wouldn't it? Didn't have to be a nap even, just a rest? Just to sit?

So he does.

And its... Difficult. The sun feels so good, its warm and it pushes at the ice that's built up inside his chest. He finds himself starting to doze, but every time he feels like he might nod off there's a jump of adrenaline, his heart tightens in fear and he's awake again. Guilt floats about him like a haze. Does he even have the right to feel good right now? It hasn't even been that long!

Simmons is still stuck in a **freezer**!

His tenuous hold on himself slips a bit, eyes stinging, he covers them with his hands. Please, he doesn't want to fall apart now. His shoulders shake. Please. He doesn't want it to be real. He wants Simmons to be here like he always is, was, is. They're not supposed to be separate!

He'd give anything to hear him. Just for a moment. He can almost imagine it.

If he were here what would he do?

Grif's not sure... Tell him to stop being an idiot... No, that's bitter and not fair. He would...

What would you want him to do?

Stay. The thought comes automatically. He'd want him to stay, promise never to go and just... Just stay with him for a while.

Was there enough room for that? To be beside him on the chair he's laying on?

Plenty.

Then, maybe he would lay down next to him? Even if he didn't sleep? Maybe he'd put his arm around him?

That sounds really nice.

It does...

Strange. Grif swears he can almost hear...

_...I love you so much Grif..._

He falls asleep with tears drying on his eyelids and Simmons' name on his lips.

  
          Grif dreams. It's a weird one...

He dreams he's little.

_He's wandered downstairs, it's almost three in the morning. He couldn't sleep._

_He has trouble sleeping a lot..._

_Mind is too busy to be quiet, says Mama._

_Not enough **discipline** , says Father._

_So he gets up and sneaks downstairs. Tries to do something to occupy himself, until he's calm until his brain is quiet. He tries not to watch TV, he can watch that in his room, but TV makes noise and light, and it doesn't really make him sleepy anyway._

_His little feet pad across the floor and into the living-room, he stops there to look at the walls and mantel. Where all of the things he has to look up to, live up to, are. Someday, he'll have things up there too. More important things than awards from school or contests._

_Maybe they'll be metals like Father? He has many of them, smooth and shining, silver, and gold, and enamel, proof of how hard Father works. He protects everyone here on Earth, has lots of people who need him, that he has to be responsible for._

_He's very proud of his Father. Maybe he'll be able to come home soon?_

  
_Perhaps his things will be like Mama's?_

_Frames with papers in them. They all say how smart she is, how hard she works. She knows everything about the world, she teaches him things, explains things even if he's too little to understand. She knows how to make little people with computers too._

_There are pictures also, her with other smart people. The man with the sad eyes is the newest one. He feels bad for him, they have the same eyes. Mama doesn't like him. She says he wants a small person too, that he shouldn't be allowed to have one, he isn't right for it. But sometimes people don't listen to Mama, they should though. She's smart._

_He's very proud of his Mama too._

  
_Oh! It's snowing outside! That's something he can do._

_Little coat, little snow pants, little hat, little mittens, little scarf, little boots._

_Its cold out, but it feels nice._

_He wanders out until the house is far enough away, then lays down in the snow. He looks up at the sky, it's almost totally black, there are one or two little holes in the clouds through which means he can see the moon. Which means there's enough light to see the snow as it falls towards him, glittering like stars. He likes stars... Likes space... He wants to go there someday..._

_They land all around him, making soothing, nearly inaudible, little sounds. If it wasn't so quiet out he wouldn't be able to hear it... It makes him feel sleepy..._

 

          Grif wakes up slowly. He feels... Fine? Like he got some real rest? But. But? But, that dream... What was that? It hadn't felt like other ones he'd had. For one it wasn't a nightmare. Or a dream about an endless, all you can eat, pie buffet!

... Shut your fuck!

The point was, he couldn't figure out why he'd dreamed it. It wasn't even him in the dream, he didn't have a family like that either! Not that he hadn't had dreams before where he was someone else but this was more... Like it wasn't even like watching from the outside like some dreams. It was more like someone else had been making these choices, looking at those things, thinking those thoughts.

Maybe he's imagining things, maybe he's finally snapped, for good this time, but something about this isn't normal... Like it hadn't even faded like a dream, so there were only scraps of detail and the basic shape. It was fuzzy but it was there, just kind of hanging out in the back of his brain like a... Like...

Like a memory?

Grif's hand drifts to the back of his head. No way... That couldn't be... Right? But... He couldn't help the surge of hope.

"Simmons?"

Please don't let him be crazy. Please don't let him be crazy. Please don't let him be crazy. Please-

_Hmm?_

There's a minor disorienting sensation, like something moving about. Waking up?

"Simmons?"

_Yes?_

Grif is sat up and flipped around in less than a second, "What!? How the flipping _FUCK_!?" his voice wavers, high and shrill.

Oh god, he was crazy!

_You're not crazy!_  The 'voice', Simmons' voice chastises.

"Then how the hell-?"

_The implant obviously._

"You know what I mean, you smug ass!"

_Sorry._ He sounds apologetic and Grif swears he can feel the guilt. _I didn't know if it would work... By all rights, it probably shouldn't be possible. So..._

He didn't want to get their hopes up...

_Yeah._ The voice pauses and Grif feels another small echo of emotion that isn't his. _I don't know. Maybe I was losing it but, I just got the idea in my head and couldn't ignore it. Like... There was already so much computer shit in my brain right? So why not... Why not try to **move** myself?_

"How do I know I'm not crazy?" Grif presses.

_Lopez could confirm I'm here?_ Simmons' voice suggests. _I mean, he knew, he's the one who gave you the chips when I...um... When my body stopped working?_

Disembodied Simmons is taking this whole thing disconcertingly well.

_Hey! I'm trying really hard not to freak out okay? Those first few hours were really awful! Being like this is weird as fuck! I don't even want to think about what this even means for me!_ He wibbles. _Right now I'm just..._ There's a myriad of conflicting feelings. _Glad I'm here... I didn't want- I wanted to be with..._

Yeah, Grif gets that last part. "It's kind of weird not to be able to see you," he says instead.

_Yeah, I bet. Hold on, let me see if I can..._

Grif feels his eye twitch and something like the pressure right before a migraine. Whatever snarky comment he was going to say turns into a shriek of absolute terror as something pops into his field of vision.

Its there for a fraction of a second and he doesn't even fully register it, can't even begin to try and describe it only that it's like something out of some Eldrich horror, everything about it is wrong and ignores physics and perspective and its the single most **terrifying** thing he's ever seen! Then its gone and he's clutching his chest like some kind of bad movie damsel and trying not to hyperventilate and Simmons is babbling ( _sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry!_ ) off in the background.

  
          Grif, in retrospect, is not surprised that this draws him a crowd.

Donut, Carolina, Tucker, surprisingly Sarge, and even more surprisingly Lopez. Grif waves them off in irritation when their mother-henning gets to be too much, three seconds in.

"Jesus dude," Tucker sulks, "cut us some slack! It sounded like you were dy- I mean, getting fucking murdered!"

"I think!" Carolina interjects, "That given recent... Events... That it would be reasonable for someone to have a nightmare or two and for anyone who mocked them for it would be a real asshole."

Everyone kind of shifts uncomfortably and Donut and Tucker offer up weak little murmurs of sympathy that Grif still doesn't want hear and thus ignores. Sarge doesn't say anything still and unless he's imagining it, the old man looks a bit... Ashamed?

Well good then!

_Grif..._

No! He had a hand in this whole fucked up thing so the very least he could do is feel bad about it!

_But-_

Whatever Simmons was planning to add is interrupted by Lopez making an odd digital sort of buzz, “Maldita sea. Me lo perdi,” (Damn. I missed it,) he says, “Tenía la esperanza de estar allí en el momento en que se conectara. Si él estaba allí. Apuesto a que fue gracioso. Desgraciado.” (I was kind of hoping I'd be there the moment he came online. If he was even there. I bet it was hilarious. Unfortunate.)

"That's so kind of you to say, Lopez!" Donut coos.

Grif winces at a sudden flurry inside his skull. _Oh my god!_ Simmons trills. _I can understand him!_ A beat. _You can speak Spanish!? You asshole! When were you going tell me!?_

Grif makes a little grunt of pain. Well, pardon him! It had never come up! And wait, did this mean that Lopez could hear Simmons too? So he wasn't crazy!?

_Well, no. You can hear me cause I'm in your head. I think he can just see my signal? Chips in our bodies and suits broadcast all kinds of information, so it's not really a stretch?_

Made sense...

“Creo que debería felicitarte? Hiciste algo completamente loco y de alguna manera lo lograste. Ambos son monstruos ahora. Lo hiciste. Bien hecho.” (I guess I should congratulate you? You did something completely insane and somehow you succeeded. You're both freaks now. You did it. Well done.)

Grif gives Lopez a flat look, "What a shame I don't speak Spanish so I can't understand the undoubtedly genuine and uplifting things you're saying."

Lopez just says the word 'sigh' and turns to leave, “Solo una suposición,” (Just a guess,) he adds, because he needs to have the last word, “Los humanos no tienen el mismo tipo de enfoque que los seres artificiales. Deberías hacer que el gordo culo haga parte del trabajo para que no lo asustes.” (Humans don't have the same kind of focus as artificial beings. You should make the fat ass do some of the work so you don't freak him out.) the robotic asshole just fucking walks off, muttering, “Niños problemáticos.” (Troublesome children.)

There's another weird flux of feelings in the back of his brain and Grif files away his question for Simmons for later.

  
          In the end, Carolina is the one who comes to sit silently next to him. Donut starts to make a move but Sarge plucks him by the back of his shirt and steers him out the door, leveling a look at Tucker until he follows suit.

Then its just the two (three) of them.

"I know I'm not great at this." Carolina struggles, "But, are you doing okay? Its the first time in a while we've seen you out and about."

Its silent for a moment before Grif replies, “I'm umm... _adjusting_?” he offers, “I don't know. I'm trying to... figure some stuff out. I guess I just don't really want anyone to ask that?”

Carolina nods and he gets the feeling that she understands, “Okay. Well, if you need anything or just want someone nearby I can do that. We don't even have to talk. I won't ask any questions at all.” she fidgets, “Take space if you need it, but, just don't isolate yourself? Personal experience, it's not good for you. It... makes everything worse.”

“I'll try to remember that.” He will, like, he's being sincere, it's just... he's not so sure about where he is right now. Not even a day before everything was fucked, and now...

_Are you going to tell her I'm here?_

No. At least not right now. Maybe it's selfish but he kind of just wants Simmons to himself for a bit. Not to mention he's still not a hundred percent sure he's not crazy... That he's not imagining what he wants to be true. This wouldn't be the first time he's heard things...

_I...I'm sorry._ Grif feels a dim wave of something like grief and regret. _I didn't know... You never wanted to talk about it and I didn't want to make things worse by prying I-_ Simmons cuts himself off for a moment. _You don't have to tell them if you don't want to. Like, never, even, if that's what you want._ There's a mix of feelings that's hard to decipher. _I just... I didn't want to go and... I kind of did this for you... so... I'm okay with whatever you want. Even if it's selfish. Just as long as it doesn't hurt you._

Grif feels a lump in his throat. That's not something he'd expected Simmons to say. It's certainly not something the hallucinations had ever said. There's something really raw in what Simmons said like Grif feels like he can read more than just the words, there's different kinds of truth and things unspoken in there and its like he could understand it all if he looked or listened just a bit closer. It's a little frightening.

_I'm gonna try again._ Simmons says after a moment. _I think maybe I understand what Lopez meant... I won't scare you this time!_

Please don't. Carolina is still here, sitting next to him with one arm half around him. It seems like she isn't planning to leave until Grif tells her too, but she's taking his request for silence to heart. So he'd rather not freak out again... It's embarrassing...

_Do me a favor? I know its weird but; when you think of me, what pops into your head first? Like if someone says 'Simmons' what do you think of?_

Much as Grif wishes he could say otherwise, the first thing that **does** come to mind is Simmons in that bed, so pale and thin and tired... He wishes it was something else, it's not how he wants to remember him.

Grif almost jerks though because suddenly, he's there. Simmons is standing right in front of him, and it's just like the last time he saw him only he doesn't look sad, he looks happy, he has that rare soft smile that only Grif gets to see. The phantom kneels down so they're at eye level and puts his hand on Grif's knee, the Hawaiian wishes he could feel it.

_I don't have a handle on that yet, after fucking this part up before I was a bit worried to try..._

There's a watery blur starting up in his vision but Simmons stays crystal clear.

_I'm okay._ The former(?) cyborg promises. I know how it looks but it's alright. _This is the strongest memory you have of me right now but that's fine, I'm not mad, I'm not upset. I'll figure it out! I will!_

Carolina gives Grif's shoulder a minute squeeze as tears start trekking down his face. He wishes they wouldn't, he's probably going to be embarrassed as hell later, but Carolina won't tell and Simmons won't judge... right?

_I won't._

He smiles.

_I'm alright now. I'm here. I won't leave, not ever. Everything is going to be okay._

Grif cries openly as tears of relief fall down his face.

  
He believes him.

  
TBC

**Author's Note:**

> Tada! Who saw that coming!? XD Hope you're enjoying my fix it so far! There will be a second part coming soon!  
> All these prompts, as well as my other work, can all be seen on my tumblr if you want to stop by! http://cc-sketchbook.tumblr.com
> 
> As always let me know what you guys thought and if there are any major mistakes that I need to fix or things I need to tag! See you next time! Much love! ~ CC


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